Black, White and The Gray Inbetween

2011-11-29T08:32:00.000-06:00

Here's the thing about these socks.....

At the store I held up these socks and said to my girls,
"Hey, these are cute AND on sale. Do you want some?"

"Ummm..... No...thanks," said with an under tone of 'those-are-not-at-all-cute'!

I ended up buying some just for myself.

And now here are MY socks, but NOT MY FEET!

So.....

Here's the thing about these teenagers....

2011-11-23T08:10:00.000-06:00

As the trees purge;
Restart.
I imagine
My possibilities
For the same!

2011-11-22T07:33:00.006-06:00

The Last Leaf Standing

Being bullied by the wind to it's fated demise ,

Once fallen, she'll rejoin;

be indifferent of the ones that lay before her,

Still... she hangs in there; persevering.

But... FOR WHAT?

Whispering Woods Tree Tops

2011-08-13T11:35:00.015-06:00

One step into Whispering Woods

you are given a calmness from all you carry; a retreat.
In this haven, in this moment, your aware love comes first:

Love of the door, tile, zucchini bread maker.
Love in the beauty of the trees and sun riser.
Love of the newly wide eyed vow taker.
Love of those who've seen the trenches; yet emerged together.
Love of the soft touch and wild embracer.

So for all those who have came before us....

Who:

cuddled to thunderstorms,
grilled frozen pizzas,
fell deeper in love fireside,
watched the treetops,
sat in this unfilled heart jacuzzi hot tub reading books and writing in this group journal with their best friend, who you just noticed in this sunlight is quite a bit greyer then you last remembered!

...We are honored (and humbled) to share this haven with you and will carry a bit of your love with us, as well as the serenity from this....

....Whispering Woods Treetop!

(our entry in the Whispering Woods journal, Eureka Springs, AK
http://eurekaspringstreetopcottages.com/)

2011-03-27T07:59:00.003-06:00

Why do I descend into this deep spiral,
forging a hole
that I once again have to climb out of
....or stay and wallow in?

Faceless

2011-03-08T09:03:00.007-06:00

With the one exception of my female Republican friend and with possible ever so slight exaggeration, it seems that the difference between when my Democrat friends speak of what is happening on the US front verses my Republican friends it all boils down to faces; names.

Republicans seems to speak in nameless faceless terms:

"People bought houses they can't afford..."
"We can't afford health insurance for those who can't afford it."
"We have to cut peoples retirement."
"Those teachers make more then they should."

Democrats speak in terms of their family; their neighbors:

"Our friend, Jacob, down the street lost his house to foreclosure."
"Susan hasn't been able to go to the doctor for her asthma since she lost her job two years ago."
"My dad needs a job but can't get one now that he's retired."
"Barbara can't support her family on her teachers salary."

In the name of bonus' and jet fuel, in the name of The Unpunished, most Republicans are strong arming for cutting Joanna's social security, Ben's retirement, Sam's health care, John's workman's rights to bargain as a group against power and money, even Audrey's education. All under the disguise of budget necessity.

"The PEOPLE are broke!" Yell the Republicans in power.
(Notice when they speak they say "People" not themselves!
Those in power are absolutely not losing retirement, health care, or rights!)

I love my Rebp friends! But if this Republican path is actualized, I have a sad awakening for them...

...That "person" about age 65 who's retired but was counting on better retirement or at least being able to get another job, who now has to chose which diabetic medicine to stop taking to have a few extra dollars this month for groceries

......that nameless, faceless person will be YOU!

Moment

2010-12-14T12:14:00.007-06:00

It's the Moment when you have fully awakened
and arrived at a new destination.
Life as you knew it has now changed.

The Moment brings great loss:
is determined, unstoppable,
knows no friends, and feels no sympathy.

There is nothing to be done about it but
bow to it's powerful presence and
move forward knowing it's simply your turn for this

Moment.

2010-12-03T22:46:00.002-06:00

The problem with me is that I'm always hoping the turd will rise to become a rainbow.

Even as he's saying to me,

"But, Joanna, I'm just a Turd!"

#1: Leap & the Net Will Appear

2010-11-02T08:19:00.000-06:00

CREATIVE RECOVERY
STEP ONE:

* STOP telling yourself, "It's TOO late."

* STOP waiting until you make enough money to do something you'd really LOVE!

* STOP telling yourself, "It's just my ego" whenever you yearn for a more creative life.

* STOP telling yourself that dreams don't matter, that they are only dreams and that you should be more sensible.

* STOP fearing that your family and friends would think your crazy.

* STOP telling yourself that creativity is a luxury and that you should be grateful for what you've got!!!!!!!

~ Julia Cameron "the Artist's Way"

2010-09-04T09:43:00.000-06:00

LOVE is leaving your best Gal the Comics!

19 + 19

2010-08-10T11:23:00.009-06:00

Today I have officially been
married half my life!

2010-08-03T07:59:00.002-06:00

I love and envy
those who only see
POSSIBILITIES!

Just For Consideration

2010-08-03T07:21:00.000-06:00

"The school system was invented by industrialist, and its only function was to train people to work in factories. When you slap on top of it standardized testing and No Child Left Behind, what you are left with is a system optimized for compliance - the opposite of what we need. What we need to teach is how to solve interesting problems." - Seth Godin

2010-07-27T18:24:00.000-06:00

Mamma Mia's "When All is Said and Done"

I should be embarrassed to tell you how hooked I am on this song. I listen to it all the time when I am in the car by myself...which lately is A LOT!

Okay first off ... yes, I am totally in love with Pierce Brosnan's beautiful self, down to and including his arse! Hearing him sing this song simply makes me smile. I loved him from day one in Remington Steel to today in Mamma Mia. As Skipper was Joy's freebie, Pierce and Tom Hanks (my true soul mate!) are mine!

With that being said and out of the way......

I love this song because I want to live gracefully, fully and honestly
so when it is my time at the cross roads, I am:

***** "with nothing left untried"
( I was working on this one but I am guessing it's now a definite FAIL.... but, that's for another blog);
***** "Dignified and not to old for sex";
***** "Calm with no desire to run".

I just wonder what more you could ask for.

"Because there is no hurry
When All Is Said and Done!"

2010-07-20T16:52:00.006-06:00

ZAP

Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking that
because we are older we are
wiser, smarter, able to protect ourselves from being hurt.
But I say it's another lie us adults tell ourselves!

I have spent a life time of not knowing my "place".
Wandering out of my lines into others yards that
APPARENTLY
I do not belong.

ZAP!

Young and naive I thought I could go anywhere;
those were other peoples boundaries
- not mine!

ZAP!

My younger self would bark from back inside my "place":
"F@$! you and that stupid fence you put me in!"
As I'd most likely run at it again!

ZAP!

Older and (still) naive, I
- with sincerest footing-
walk (admittedly often run) forward,
somehow forgetting about my electric fencing...

ZAP!

... with tail between my legs,
scolded and embarrassed,
I head back to my "place".

And now my older, wiser, smarter self
wonders if that second run
is worth the

ZAP!

2010-06-23T16:41:00.004-06:00

Gray hair
is a betrayal to
MY Spirit!

2010-06-21T15:45:00.006-06:00

Out Is:
"He who dies with the most toys WINS!"

In is:
"He who dies with the most
FACEBOOK FRIENDS
WINS!"

Me, I will have to hope for opposite day at the Pearly Gates regardless!!!

Lips of An Angel by Hinder

2010-05-05T08:53:00.000-06:00

I HATE this song with every ounce of my being! Takes me back to one of the darkest times in my life! The words make me homicidal!!!!

I wish we could take every copy of it and burn it like an old fashion book burning!

Or punish every single careless inconsiderate person who listens to it by tar and feathering them and then making them run through KC's First Friday like the CHICKEN SHIT they are!

Chasing Waterfalls!

2010-05-01T07:00:00.002-06:00

My good friend yesterday,
in 120 characters or less,
advised that I shouldn't go
chasing waterfalls.

As I read his words,
I could feel the biggest grin on my face
- ear to ear!

In the purest part of my soul,
a place with neither noise nor influence,
other then those I love,
I can't think of anything else worth chasing!

So, to him I say,
"Come Along!"

2010-04-30T10:00:00.001-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

95.
MANIFEST

*What have you always wanted to try, to do, to be, but haven't?

*I believe in callings. I believe that many people, perhaps all people, have feelings deep down inside about why they are here on Earth and what they are meant to do.

*I feel deeply that my calling is to help others learn to mourn well so they can go on to live well and love well. I know it's my calling because when I'm engaged in my teaching and writing, as I am right now, I feel joyful and in-the-moment. I feel energized and in touch with my center.

*Many people are afraid to engage with their calling because it seems frivolous or risky. Yet they continue to harbor a longing for it--- a wistful longing that leave them feeling frustrated, stuck and sad.

*Now is the time to manifest your true self, to make it a reality. Keep in mind that you don't have to turn your current life upside down. You just have to take one small step today and another small step tomorrow and so on.

CARPE DIEM
Today, take one small step toward trying something you've always wanted to try.

2010-04-29T00:25:00.002-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

99.
BELIEVE IN YOUR CAPACITY TO HEAL

*All the veteran grievers I have had the privilege of meeting and learning from would want me to tell you this: You will survive.

*If your loss was recent, you may think you cannot get through this. You can and you will. It may be excruciatingly difficult, yes, but over time and with the love and support of others, your grief will soften and you will find ways to be happy again. There will come a day when the death is not the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

*Many mourners also struggle with feeling they don't want to survive. Again, those who have gone before you want you to know that while this feeling is normal, it will pass. One day in the not-too-distant future you will feel that life is worth living again. For now, think of how important you are to your children, your partner, your parents, and siblings, your friends.

*As you actively mourn, you may also choose not simply to survive, but to truly live. The remainder of your life can be full and rich and satisfying if you choose live over mere existence.

2010-04-28T00:39:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

100.
DANCE THROUGH GRIEF INTO LIFE

*Dance has been described as a metaphor for life. In the midst of grief, dance can be a lovely way to transform your grief (your internal response) into mourning (the shared outward response). Dance invites you to merge with the music and the movement even as it takes you outside of yourself.

*Constanze referred to dancing as dreaming with your feel. Sweetpea Tyler claimed it faces you toward heaven, whichever direction you turn. Havelock Ellis described it as life itself. Martha Graham called it the hidden language of the soul.

*Dance is more than an aerobic physical activity. It is a complete mind, body, and spirit workout and it is fun! Many forms of dance are forms of moving mediation. The blend of physical, emotional and spiritual concentration invite both surrender and renewal, while at the same time transporting you into a spiritual realm of wholeness and connection to the world outside of yourself. Yes, there is magic in dance.

Dance can transform you in ways that re-awaken your Divine spark---"that which gives life meaning and purpose." Movement allows your body to heal, your mind to open, and your spirit to sing. Dance also engages you in community because you enter into a partnership that is greater than the sum of it's parts. You discover that you are in constant, ever-flowing exchange with yourself, each other and the Divine.

2010-04-27T00:21:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

98.
LIVE ON PURPOSE

*Do you believe that things happen for a reason? Do you think that you attract what you are thinking about?

*I'm not 100% sold on the popular concept of the power of attraction, but I have noticed that if I live with awareness and intention, I am able to live my best life.

*If you set your intention to mourn well and heal, and if you move forward each day embracing hope--even as you also embrace your pain, you are living on purpose. You are living with an awareness that your intentional thoughts create, in part, your destiny.

*You are a miracle. Your life is a miracle. Live it with the awe and wonder it deserves.

2010-04-26T00:16:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

91.
EMBRACE THE IMAGE OF THE EAGLE

*The image of the eagle is found across a broad range of spiritual beliefs and philosophies. Depending on the spiritual tradition, it symbolizes strength, courage, wisdom, spiritual protection and healing.

*The eagle's soaring flight has drawn comparisons to the holy spirit, intuition and grace.

*Some native cultures believe that the eagle carries our prayers to the Creator.

*There is a Native American blessing that says:

May you have the strength
of eagles' wings,
The faith and courage to
Fly to new heights,
And the wisdom
of the universe
To carry you there.

2010-04-25T11:48:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

77.
BEFRIEND YOUR MYSTICAL EXPERIENCES

*At some point in your grief, you may well have what is called a "mystical experience." One day, without warning, you may experience a sense of the presence of or a connection to the person who has died. You may hear his voice, feel her physical touch, see her appear to you, or experience a coincidence of some kind that seems impossible without otherworldly influence. Those experiences are usually not tinged in fear, but in comfort and joy. In fact, your mystical experience might be so awe-inspiring that you are forever changed by it.

*This direct encounter with the mystery surrounding love and loss is sacred and is an organic expression of the soul. When you experience these moments of mystery and intimate connection to those who have gone before you, befriend them as feelings of bliss.

*These breathtaking, sacred experiences of connection to your loved one are, in truth, benedictions of the Divine. Open yourself to these experience and welcome them open-heartedly into your life. Don't think them as "paranormal" events; think of them as sacred and divine experiences.

2010-04-24T00:09:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

90.
Laugh

*Humor is one of the most healing gifts of humanity. Laughter restores hope and assists us in surviving the pain of grief.

*Don't fall into the trap of thinking that laughing and having fun are somehow a betrayal of the person who died. Laughing doesn't mean you don't miss the person who died. Laughing doesn't mean you aren't in mourning.

*Sometimes it helps to think about what the person who died would want for you. Wouldn't she want you to laugh and continue to find joy in life, even in the midst of your sorrow?

*You can only embrace the pain of your loss a little at a time, in doses. In between the does, it's perfectly normal, even necessary, to love and laugh.

*Remember the fun times you shared with the person who died. Remember his sense of humor. Remember his grin and the sound of his laughter.

*I've hear it said that laughter is a form of internal jogging. Not only is it enjoyable, it's good for you. Studies show that smiling, laughing, and feeling good enhance you immune system and make you healthier, if you act happy, you may even begin to feel some happiness in your life again.

2010-04-23T23:56:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

85.
PAY ATTENTION TO SYNCHRONICITIES

*Stuff happens, the saying goes.

*The philosophy embedded in that aphorism is that things happen over which you have no control and you need to resign yourself to the fact that life often sucks.

*Sometimes life does suck. Sometimes stuff happens. But often, if you are paying attention,if you are living on purpose, stuff happens that is nothing short of miraculous.

*At night you dream of a friend you haven't seen for years, and the next day she calls you, out of the blue. You hear a song on the car radio that perfectly captures what you're feeling that moment. Your furnace breaks down and you receive an unexpected check in the mail.

*Pay attention to coincidences. Believe that they may be telling you something-- even guiding you. As the Dalai Lama said, "I am open to the guidance of synchronicity and do not let expectations hinder my path."

2010-04-22T00:03:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

89.
REASSESS YOUR PRIORITIES

*Death has a way of making us rethink our lives and the meaningfulness of the ways we spend them. It tends to awaken mourners to what is truly meaningful in life.

*What gives your life meaning? What doesn't? Take steps to spend more of your time on the former and less on the latter.

*Now may be the time to reconfigure you life. Choose a satisfying new career. Go back to school. Begin volunteering. Open yourself to potential new relationships. Help others in regular, ongoing ways. Move closer to your family.

*Many mourners have told me that they can no longer stand to be around people who seem shallow, egocentric, or mean-spirited. It's OK to let friendships wither with friends whom these adjectives now seem to describe. Instead, find ways to connect with people who share your new outlook on life---and death.

2010-04-21T11:41:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

61.
WALK BAREFOOT IN THE GRASS

*Few sensations bring me back to my childhood like walking barefoot in the lush green grass of early summer. Oh how refreshing to takeoff the trappings of adulthood -- shoes and socks -- and wiggle my toes in the cool, waxy blades.

*Grief deadens us. It naturally draws us within ourselves to a place we need to go before we can emerge again. But even while we are existing within this state of dormancy, we can and should emerge now and then to feel pleasure. Like other sensory experiences that were so rich we can't help but be engaged by them, walking barefoot in the grass is a luscious reprieve.

*Lie in the grass. Put your face in it and breathe deeply. Roll down a grassy hill. And while you're at it, pick a dandelion and hold it under your chin to see if you like butter.

2010-04-20T11:35:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

60.
LOSE TRACK OF TIME

*Most of us are so bound by our daily schedule what we forget that the notion of seconds, minutes, and hours is a man-made invention. Sure, the earth turns and the sun rises and sets, but if you listened to your body,it will set its own schedule.

*If you're constantly paying attention to the clock, you're probably not paying attention to your spirit and the here and now.

*Take your watch off for a day and don't peek at the clock on your cell phone, iPod, or PDA.

CARPE DIEM
Block out a day on your calender when you can be free to lose track of time.

2010-04-19T11:25:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

49.
CARRY A TOUCHSTONE

*A touchstone is a standard of quality or excellence against which you can measure other things.

*Let's say one of your own spiritual touchstones is "seeking peace." When you are deciding how to react in a difficult situation, you might be tempted to explode in anger. But you stop to consider your "seeking peace" touchstone and instead decide that an angry outburst would be counterproductive.

*You can literally carry a stone in your pocket to remind you of your spiritual touchstones, or intentions. Whenever you're feeling your grief or struggling with a thought or feeling, put your hand in your pocket and rub your "touchstone". The stone's smooth surface and the rubbing motion will help center you and return you to your place of spiritual intention.

2010-04-18T11:06:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

57.
REACH OUT AND TOUCH

*For many people, physical contact with another human being is healing. It has been recognized since ancient times as having transformative, healing powers.

*Have you hugged anyone lately? Held someone's hand? Put your arm around another human being?

*You probably know several people who enjoy hugging or physical touching. If you're comfortable with their touch, encourage it in the weeks and months to come.

*Hug someone you feel safe with . Kiss your children or a friends baby. Walk arm in arm with a neighbor.

*You may want to listen to the song title "I Know What Love Is," by Don White. I have found this song helps me reflect on the power of touch.

2010-04-18T11:05:00.000-06:00

"I Know What Love Is"
Don White

Click to listen to song.

2010-04-17T10:37:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

37.
EXPERIENCE THE SUNRISE AND SUNSET

*The sun is a powerful symbol of life and renewal. Both sunrise and sunset are grand experiences that touch your soul. If you want to feel surrounded by your god /spirits and the heavens, make use of these opportunities to bring some inner peace and solace to your day.

*Yes, there is something so captivating about the rising and setting of the sun. The brilliant color can give your whole world a different perspective. It is a time to pause, be still, quiet your mind, and open your heart. You can appreciate and trust that out of your darkness will eventually come the light.

2010-04-16T10:44:00.002-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

45.
LISTEN TO THE MUSIC

*Music perhaps more than any other external experience, has the capacity to bring you home to yourself and to restore your broken heart. Beautiful music can communicate to you on many different levels. Music can take you to your favorite place or to another world.

*Music transforms you, taking you to a "safe place" in your soul, helping you feel that you and the world around you are filled with grace and peace. Music can uplift your mood, soothe you when you are agitated, and open you to harmony , beauty, love and generosity.

*Beautiful music that nurtures your being is by its very nature healing. It restores and relaxes you in way beyond words. Music allows you to access spirit through sound. Music can infuse your body, mind and spirit, and bring an inner calmness that comforts your grief-filled nerves. Music encourages you to express your grief from the inside to mourning on the outside. Music is an invitation to feel whatever you feel----sometimes even paradoxical emotions, such as happiness and sadness at once.

CAPRE DIEM
Commit yourself to bring music into your daily life and open yourself to the spiritual nurturing it brings.

2010-04-15T11:15:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

48.
FORGIVE

*You may be harboring some spiteful feelings about the death of someone loved. Perhaps you are angry at a medical caregiver. Maybe you're upset at friends and family who haven't been there for you in your time of need. Maybe you are mad at the person who died.

*Forgiveness is an act of surrender. If you surrender your resentment, you are freeing yourself of a very heavy load... Don't go to your own grave angry.

*Forgive. Write letters of forgiveness if this will help you unburden yourself, even if you never send the letters.

*And while you're at it, don't forget to forgive yourself. Self-recrimination is negative energy. If you did something wrong, acknowledge, apologize, and forgive.

*This Idea calls to mind this poem by William Arthur Ward, and American pastor and teacher:

Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.

2010-04-14T10:28:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

34.SPEND TIME IN "THIN PLACES"

* In the Celtic tradition, "thin places" are spots where the separation between the physical world and the spiritual world seem tenuous. They are places where the veil between Heaven and earth, between the holy and the everyday, are so thin that when we are near them, we intuitively sense the timeless, boundless spiritual world.

*There is a Celtic saying that Heaven and earth are only three feet apart, but in the thin places that distance is even smaller.

*Thin places are usually outdoors, often where water and land meet or land and sky come together. You might find thin places on a riverbank, a beach or a mountaintop.

*Go to a thin place to pray, to walk, or to simply sit in the presence of the holy.

CARPE DIEM
Your thin places are anywhere that fills you with awe and a sense of wonder. They are spots that refresh your spirit and make you feel closer to God. Go to a thin place today and sit in contemplative silence.

Day 5- LIGHTER

2010-04-14T08:53:00.004-06:00

According to the amount of Maple Syrup and will power I have left, Day 5 has turned into my last day of fasting.

I hope this will amount to enough rest at the Pikes Peak Cliff of temptation.

Though, fasting does cause the scale to be more agreeable... perhaps only water weight, but be that as it may, I feel lighter! I'm wondering if the way I deal with food is weighing me down: the stress of planning, figuring it all out, what I should and shouldn't eat verses all that I want/crave that adds to my waist (which physically weighs me down).

Today, I plan on soaking in as much of this wonderful weather as I can! Which includes watching my 15 year old try to wrangle some cute little pigtailed and quick as a lightening 4 years old at a soccer practice. Can't wait!

2010-04-13T10:18:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

32.
FIND COMFORT IN THE ELEMENTS

*Ancient scientist thought the world was made up of the four elements of air, fire, earth and water. By definition, elements are pure, basic, simple. If you try, you can find comfort and meaning in each of them.

*Air: Breath deeply. Practice yogic breathing. Stand in the wind.

*Fire: Light a candle in your loved one's memory. Build a fire in a fireplace and sit in spiritual contemplation while you watch the flames dance.

*Earth: Garden. Plant bulbs. Start a compost pile. Walk barefoot in the grass.

*Water: Take a long bath. Go for a swim. Walk in the rain. Play in sprinkler.

2010-04-12T10:17:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

31.
BE GENEROUS WITH YOUR TIME AND CONCERN

*Generosity is giving from your heart and sharing the essence of yourself. Generosity is being in sync with the greater good. It is helping others is such a way that "mine" and "yours" are not part of your thinking.

*Being generous is anchored in a reciprocal relationship: You give and you get, you get and you give. When you are experiencing grief and loss, you must permit yourself to receive before you give of yourself. But, over time, and with active mourning, you may discover yourself wanting to give.

*Review your life for the ways in which you are generous. Think of the people you are close to and how you give yourself to them. Reflect on the ways you have given to others in your workplace or in your faith community. Think of the ways you have been available to friends to lift them up at a time when they are down.

*Generosity has many levels and forms of expression. You can give away possessions you no longer need but someone else can use. You can gift someone with a book you believe may help him. You can try to be as totally present to someone as you possibly can. You can unconditionally love the people around you.

Day 3- Wading Passion

2010-04-12T09:11:00.003-06:00

So, the two day trophy is mine. I went under the water to find it. It seemed to much, in too deep, can't catch my breath. Panic! Where's the top. Panic! Then just in time....I found it; grabbed it. Surfacing with the force of an Olympian, I broke out of the water waving it to my crowd of none in VICTORY!

Man, I love the wading pool!

48 Hours completed. Amazingly. Considering yesterday I was just going to scrap the whole fasting thing at any opportunity.

I was hanging out with my niece and we decided to get bagels. BUT, when we got to Panera we tugged on the door and it was closed. Missed opportunity by 15 minutes.

Plan B: We went to Starbucks to sit outside in this amazing weather and visit. I was just going to have my green tea, but, on the off chance they actually had an iced tea that was decaffeinated, I asked. "Yes."

So, Passion it was.

Though I have no idea why I am continuing on, I guess it was meant for me to at least make it to today. So...... Here I am... on Day 3.

Of course, I am hungry.....but, what the hell, I am always hungry.

2010-04-11T09:46:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

28.
CONSIDER YOURSELF IN "SPIRITUAL INTENSIVE CARE"

*Something painful has happened in your life. Something assaulting to the very core of your being.

*Your spirit has been deeply injured. Just as your body cannot be expected to recover immediately from a brutal attack, neither can your psyche.

*Imagine that you've suffered a severe physical injury and are in your hospital's intensive care unit. Your friends and family surround you with their presence and love. The medical staff attends to you constantly. Your body rests and recovers.

*This is the kind of care you need and deserve right now. The blow you have suffered is no less devastation than this imagined physical injury. Allow others to take care of you. Ask for their help. Give yourself as much resting time as possible. Take time off work. Let household chores slide. Especially in the early weeks and months after a death, don't expect-- indeed, don't try-- to carry on with your normal routine.

CAPRE DIEM
Close your eyes and imagine yourself in "Spiritual intensive care." Where are you? What kind of care are you receiving? From whom? Arrange a weekend or a week of the spiritual intensive care you most need.

2010-04-10T09:33:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

27.
CENTER YOURSELF

*Centering yourself is about letting go of resistance and going with the movement below your feet. When you are centered you don't let things that really don't matter in the big picture of life bother you. Therefore, it doesn't really matter what the weather is like outside, what table you get at a restaurant, if the stock market goes up or down, if the traffic is slow, etc. When you are centered, you are not affected by externals.

*If you are externally focused, you let little things "get to you" in ways they shouldn't. You get out of balance and are not centered internally ----body, mind and spirit. Out of balance, you will likely feel empty and lost.. always looking for something "outside of yourself" to fill you up. Yet, nothing out there can.

*When you are centered, you are more aware of the environment in and around you. You have more clarity and focus, and your intuition is refined. Your fear diminishes markedly and you now you can make it through the wilderness of your grief.

CARPE DIEM:
Nurture friendships with hope-filled, centered people rather than "negative" or "cynical" people. People who are complainers are not centered, and are letting the world around them affect their capacity for joy...and your if you allow it. When you use discernment to spend time with "centered" friends, you are creating a more stable environment for yourself.

Day 1 - GET THE HELL OFF THE CLIFF!

2010-04-10T08:09:00.006-06:00

I have been traveling up the Pikes Peak of Weight Loss, as it is my life long challenge. Almost to the top, shedding size and now easily traveling..... I fell. Luckily, I grabbed the edge of the cliff and kept myself from the Road Runner fall to the bottom. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have the good sense to pull myself back up!!!!!!!!!!!

I loved the view from the practical top. I loved the ease of movement I seemed to have found . I loved throwing my old clothes away and grabbing less of it in replacement. I deeply love the confidence the journey revealed in me.

But, even after 9 months of traveling with the right food and step, I discovered that I am no match for delicious, wonderful, sweet smelling, and heavenly tasting.....chocolate!

CHOCOLATE IS A GATEWAY DRUG!

Once touched all other indulgences seem to find their way to my mouth without thought or resistance.

I am now hanging from the Pikes Peak cliff with the weight of a 1000 pound Chocolove Cherries & Almonds in Dark Chocolate bar bound to my ass! And I am calling out to air support to lower me some MORE!

SERIOUSLY???? !!!!!!!!!

So, today I am lifting myself off that damn cliff. Then I am going to rest here for the next 10 days and revamp for the rest of the journey to my new home! Were I will live my fit, no holding back full life!! In clothes that will make everyone judge me as I pass. With a cockiness that I always begrudged the skinny people. And a self confidence that I crave: hopefully more than Chocolove Cherries & Almonds in Dark Chocolate bars!

Immediate Goal:
*1 days fasting! Yicks!
*Continue to exercise as best I can
*Be happy
*Start Journal/blog
*Listen to music
*Walk

Long term Goal:
*10 days of one day at a time fasting!!! Double YICKS!
*Journal/blog every day

To keep me busy:
*Finish my short story I started in Feb.
*Clean my attic
*Help with Aunts House
*Go to lots of soccer.
*Play with Kids
*Top my game on COD :)
*Any and everything I can outside to keep me connected!
*Stay away from "food gatherings" :)
*More music and walks!

WISH ME LUCK!
(and the family :)

Carpe Diem

2010-04-09T21:27:00.000-06:00

seize the day; enjoy the present, as opposed to placing all hope in the future.

2010-04-09T09:21:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

24.
SIGH

*Sighing is an expression of letting go. When we sigh, we resign ourselves to something. We accept something, though perhaps it is something we didn't want to accept.

*In Romans 8 is says that when there are no works for our prayer, the spirits intervene and pray for us in sighs deeper than anything that can be expressed in words.

*Sigh deeply. Sigh whenever you feel like it. With each sigh, you are acknowledging that you are not in total control of your life. You are accepting what is.

*Each sigh is your prayer.

2010-04-08T09:09:00.001-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

23.
CREATE

*...Make something that expresses your feelings or honors the loss you are mourning.

*Is there a creative activity that you find you lose yourself in---that you get so involved in that you lose all track of time and place and you become immersed in your creative process? If so, that's that kind of activity you want to do now.

*Write. Paint. Sew. Scrapbook. Kit. Garden. Cook. Play an instrument. Decorate. Organize. All of these activities are forms of creation. Pick one that moves you.

2010-04-07T09:59:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

17.
CRY

*Tears are a natural cleansing and healing mechanism. They rid your body of stress chemicals. It's OK to cry. In fact, it's good to cry when you feel like it. What's more, tears are a form of mourning. They are sacred!

* Your pain, your grief, your overwhelming loss disturbs the world around you. Disturb the quiet with your soul's cry.

*On the other hand, don't feel bad if you aren't crying a lot. Not everyone is a crier.

*You may find that those around you are uncomfortable with your tears. As a society, we're often not so good at witnessing others in pain. Don't let those people take your grief away from you.

*Explain to your friends and family that you need to cry right now and they can help by allowing you to.

*You may even find yourself keening, which means a loud wailing or wordless crying out in lament for the dead. Keening is a instinctive form of mourning. It gives voice to your soul's profound pain at a time when words are inadequate.

*You may find yourself crying at unexpected times or places. If you need to, excuse yourself and retreat to somewhere private. Or better yet, go ahead and cry openly and honestly, unashamed of your tears of overwhelming grief.

2010-04-06T09:39:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

15.
LOVE YOURSELF

*Someone once astutely observed, "Love is the highest, purest, most precious of all spiritual things." Sometimes it is easier to express love to others than it is to ourselves. Yet, by feeling your own love in a more direct way, you can be transformed and open yourself to new spiritual understanding.

*Loving yourself starts with accepting yourself. If you, as a living, unique human being, are unable to value who you are, who can? If part of your need to mourn is anchored in recapturing your capacity to give love out, you must start by giving love in. Honoring YOU is part of your need right now and nobody else can do it from the inside out.

*Loving yourself means recognizing you, seeing you, and honoring you.

2010-04-05T09:32:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

18.
SCHEDULE SOMETHING THAT GIVES
YOU PLEASURE EACH AND EVERY DAY

*When we're in mourning, often we need something to look forward to, a reason to get out of bed.

*It's hard to look forward to each day when you know you will be experiencing pain and sadness.

*To counterbalance your normal and necessary mourning, plan something you enjoy doing every day.

*Reading, baking, going for a walk, having lunch with a friend, playing computer games- whatever brings you enjoyment.

(Just remember- no inappropriate risk-taking)

2010-04-04T09:28:00.001-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

12.
UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

NEED 4:
DEVELOP A NEW SELF-IDENTITY

*A big part of your self-identity may have been formed by the relationship you had with the person who died.

*What was your relationship? If your mother died, you may find yourself feeling orphaned. If your spouse died, you may be struggling with new found and confusing feelings about being a widow.

*While you must work through this difficult need yourself, I can assure you that you are and always will be a child of your parent, a husband to your wife, a best friend, etc. While death may change the language that others now use about your relationship, the bonds of the relationship do not simply disintegrate and vanish.

They were, they are, and they always will be.

*Still, in others ways, how you define yourself and the way society defines you is changed. You need to re-anchor yourself, to reconstruct your self-identity. This can be arduous and painful work.

2010-04-03T09:13:00.000-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

8.
KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED

" Call it a clan,
call it a network,
call it a tribe,
call it a family.
Whatever you call it,
whoever you are,
you need one."
- Jane Howard

*Yes, love from family, friends, community gives life meaning and purpose. Look around for expressions of care and concern. These are the people who love you and want to be an important part of your support system.

*Some of those who love you may not know how to reach out to you, but they still love you. Reflect on the people who care about you and the ways in which your life matters.

* In contrast, if you lose this connections, you suffer alone and isolation. you feel disconnected from the world around you. Feeling pessimistic, you may retreat even more. You begin to sever your relationships and make your world smaller. Over-isolation anchors your loss and sadness in place.

*it is vital to create a sense of community that is spiritually nurturing and responsive to the needs surrounding loss in your life. Your relationships with family, friends and community are connected like a circle, with no end and no beginning. When you allow yourself to be a part of that circle, you find you place. You realize you belong and are a vital part of a bigger whole.

2010-04-02T08:56:00.001-06:00

From the book,
"Healing Your Grieving Soul,
100 Spiritual Practices For Mourners"
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

7.
Be Patient

* I'm sure you've realized by now that healing in grief does not usually happen quickly. And because your grief is never truly "over," you are on a life long journey.

* In our hurry-up North American culture, patience can be especially hard to come by. We have all been conditioned to believe that if we want something, we should be able to get it instantly.

*Yet your grief will not heed anyone's timetable- even your own. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with those around you. You are doing the best you can, as are they.

*Practicing patience means relinquishing control. Just as you cannot truly control your life, you cannot control your grief. Yes, you can set your intention to embrace your grief and take steps to mourn well, and these practices will certainly serve you well on your journey, but you cannot control the particulars of what life will continue to lay out before you.

The Mourner's Code

2010-04-01T08:23:00.000-06:00

Ten Self-Compassionate Principles
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

Though you should reach out to others as you journey through grief, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain "rights" no one should try to take from you.

The following is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don't allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.

2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don't feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
Confusion, numbness, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without conditions.

4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel ready to do.

5. You have the right to experience "griefbursts."
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but it is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.

6. You have the right to make use of ritual.
The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen.

7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

8. You have the right to search for meaning.
You may find your self asking, "Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the cliched responses some people may give you. Comments like, "It was God's will" or "Think of what you have to be thankful for" are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.

9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes you life forever.

2010-03-30T08:20:00.001-06:00

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.
-Emily Dickinson

2010-03-13T16:54:00.002-06:00

My daughters and niece were handed this Evantell pamphlet today.
This message is under
Bad News 2:

"The penalty for sin is death.
Romans: 6:23

The bible says that by sinning we have earned death. That means we deserve to die and be separated from God forever."

Where's a stone when you need one!
(John 8:7)

Something?

2010-03-05T10:29:00.002-06:00

Often, I have been getting this
DOOMSDAY DEBILITATING PANIC
that there is
SOMETHING
I am suppose to be doing!!
Then, in the next thought,
the panic zillionfies
as I realize I have
NO IDEA
what that
SOMETHING
is!!

I AM

2010-02-07T22:33:00.000-06:00

The soul is the great cry of I AM awakened in the individual. It is the seat of joy, the great affirmation, the inner breathe that shouts "YES!" to life, no matter what. From the soul comes the baby's first cry of life, the athlete's victory shout, the singer's house-shaking performance, the scientist's "eureka!"

-Edward Tick, PH.D. War and the Soul

2010-01-22T09:51:00.003-06:00

As we raise our glasses to your 21st, all we have to toast to is the past, to our memories of you. Thankful to have so many wonderful fun ones, our twisted minds still dip deep into the sorrow, into the knowing that there will be no more.

Michael's 21st Birthday

2010-01-22T09:27:00.005-06:00

I wonder how the man who took Michael's life, Mr. Dan Larssen and the man who believed in Mr. Dan Larssen, Clay County Prosecutor, Mr. Dan White are spending today?

Mr. Dan Larssen (in back ground) admitted murder of Michael James LaBarge:

Mr. Dan White, Clay County Prosecutor, who rubber stamped it ok.

2010-01-20T18:47:00.000-06:00

Confessions of An
Emotional Eater!

His Majesty of TVland

2010-01-18T18:25:00.003-06:00

When the man of the house is in TVland everything is a negotiation with His Majesty.

"Sire, may I pass through?"

With a pause for consideration,
"Yes, you may, as soon as it's a commercial. "

"Sire, may I have a turn playing my X-Box?"

"No, it is my day off in my kingdom!"
Upon seeing his subject sad, His Majesty reconsiders,
"You may sit by my side and observe. "

"Oh, thank you Daddy... I mean, thank you Your Greatness!"

With that and a curtsey, she happily ever after sits by His royal throne!

Maybe I am just a dreamer for I have no progress to report!

2010-01-09T11:18:00.000-06:00

2010-01-08T10:32:00.007-06:00

I just can't believe that we are starting the new year without you. It breaks down all that is in me. I mean, even I don't believe anymore you are laying on the beaches of Florida.

It is becoming tiring turning all the thoughts in my head around to make the days go by easier.
I tell myself, Joanna:

You were lucky to have Michael in your life,
You were lucky to have shared so many laughs together,
You are lucky to carry him with you in all that you do.

Truth is ...

Lucky would have been holding your children.
Lucky would have been sitting here listening to one of your crazy high energy stories.
Lucky would have been having you still sporting your Superman belt buckle bent over cane in hand, gray hair half fallen out, speaking at my funeral!

Truth is ... I miss you!

2010-01-07T11:50:00.001-06:00

"It does me no harm for my neighbor to say there are twenty Gods or no God."

- Thomas Jefferson

Facebook

2009-12-16T11:20:00.004-06:00

My daughter is a bit more then tired of me using her facebook. She tells me all the time that I had actually started one a long time ago and that I should get THAT figured out.

I have a lot of hesitation about facebook, but she is right, I should probably stop stalking her, my cousins, nieces and nephews through hers. I can do all of that just as easy through my own:)

So, I had facebook resend me my old password and reset everything up.

I was curious who was already on there as my friend, so I clicked the tab for friends and this is what it said:

You do not have any friends. Once you find some friends, they will appear here.

OUCH!
I think if this is the kind of treatment I am going to get from facebook, a slap of reality in the face, then I imagine we will have a very short relationship! On the other hand, if facebook can make friends just appear we might become best buddies.... or as the Man says.... best besties! (Excuse me for a minute....I just threw up a bit in my mouth!)

Good Bye '09

2009-12-16T07:36:00.007-06:00

I have worked all morning writing a post to say good bye to 2009!

It was filled with anger for my Aunt Bonnie's murderer cancer and my Cousin Michael's murderer Dan Larsson. Anger at the unfairness of Diabetes and the coldness of Clay County Prosecuting Attorney Dan White!

The blog embraced the sadness that lives with me but also the names of all of us that stepped up to the ugly of the year with courage and grace!

It ended with the truth that I simply hurt and long for one last opportunity for us all to sit around the table: to joke and play and have fun-together!
But, would one moment really ever be enough.

But then I thought to myself:
Same ole ... same ole.
All talk no action.
All problems with no solutions.

DO SOMETHING!

Not just for myself but if I am going to carry the spirit/love of my cousin, aunt, uncle and grandma, do they want to accompany me as I mope around another year.

No!

They want to live.
Live through me,
through you!

Michael was dreaming of walking the beaches along the Gulf of Mexico. Aunt Bonnie was dreaming of a retirement filled with family and fun; visiting, doing all her projects she had to keep putting off throughout her life.

I too am a dreamer! But now in 2010, I plan on being a

DOER not just a DREAMER!

Take my hand and walk these dream clouds with me. Sure, we might fall through a few, but we can always land on another one until we find the right one!

If your ready, follow me here:
http://doersnotjustdreamers.blogspot.com/

Oh, and adios 2009!

HELLO DOER!

Image of Me

2009-12-11T11:47:00.002-06:00

The image of success I had conjured up in my mind did not reconcile with the full length image of the me I stood staring at in the dressing room of Kolhs.

Its hard to talk myself down from such betrayal.

This morning I was elated because my prize size 10 black jeans actually zipped; too tight to wear but they for the first time in 6 years zipped.

But now, bare but panties and bra all I can see is the flab, stretch marks and the miles more to go.

Like when I used to work hard in my room for hours, proud to be putting on the finishing touches, my mom would poke her head in to check on me,

"Oh, Joanna, your off to a good start.. Keep working."

I just have to resolve to the truths:
my room was still a mess (though it was good enough for me.)

and in this moment in front of this mirror, the same is true

..... I just have to keep working!

2009-11-21T16:19:00.004-06:00

"Parkinson's and alcohol took a sledgehammer to any illusions I may have had that I was in control. I came to accept that any disease or condition beyond my control is, in effect a power greater then myself. To survive this destructive energy, I must look to an even higher power. For my purposes, I need neither define it nor have others define it for me, only accept its existence. It is evident in Tracy's love (his wife) and inexhaustible friendship, the toothless gap in Esme's smile, Aquinnah's grace, Schuyler's grit, Sam's intrepid curiosity. So much to savor, so much to be grateful for. And since I'm not sure of the address to which to send my gratitude, I put it out there in everything I do."

- excerpt from Michael J Fox's "Always Looking Up".

2009-08-22T07:38:00.003-06:00

I just want to ask the people in the pictures below as well as the others there that night....

The clay county prosectuing attorney says that Michael's death is not a murder because you have the right to protect yourself, your family (and I guess friends, in this case) and your home... so my question to all of you there....

IF YOU WERE SO SCARED FOR YOURSELF, YOUR HOME AND YOUR FRIENDS, WHY DIDN'T ONE OF YOU CALL THE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT WHEN IT WAS HAPPENING.

NOT WHILE MICHAEL WAS LYING ON THE FLOOR DYING.

IN FACT, TWO OF THE GIRLS LEFT DURING ALL OF THE "INCIDENT"!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be posting more about these pictures after some thought!

2009-08-22T06:50:00.009-06:00

These are all pictures from the Liberty bowling alley on Michael's last evening, April 14th, 2009
This is a picture of my cousin Michael. Is this "man" the Micah Wynes that was involved in Michael's death.

Is this the "man" with the "Y" sign Robbie Burton? Robbie Burton was also involved in Michael's death.
Is this Danny Larssen in back. Danny Larssen was involved in Michael's death.

Andrew Beile and Michael. Andrew was also involved in Michael's death.

The girl in front with the peace sign, is Amanda Harrel, also involved in Michael's death.

2009-06-20T18:03:00.008-06:00

In other words: People who care about you will care about the effect they have on you!

20th First Date Anniversary

2009-06-18T09:35:00.000-06:00

Today is our 20th First Date Anniversary. We are celebrating by him going to work and hanging out afterward with his girl friends and by me going out with my sister and bro-in-law.

Time can be an wretched adversary.

BUT.... time can't take away that amazing first date!

He showed up in his concert T to find out that I had to postpone our date to later in the evening because my friends and I were not finished rehearsing for Ms. Halley's Dance Recital the next evening.

To my amazement he decided to come and wait. He sat in the back of Oak Park Highschool's auditorium while we practiced such numbers as "Another Opening, Another Show" in our top hats.

Who is that guy, Tracy and Michelle asked as we were kicking our heels up?
"Ben."I smiled.

When we finally made it to the date, we ate Pizza Hut and then played mini golf at Fantasy Land. Who won our very first round of golf, well.... that depends on which of us you ask!

For many years, we continued this ritual of our first date on June 17th...

Then Pizza Hut closed.

Then Fantasy Land closed.

And then our romance closed.

Maybe time will stop being such a sh^t and at least turn the light back on for our romance~

A Tear Jerker!

2009-06-16T22:59:00.003-06:00

I was looking for the return address corner I tore off the letter Cousin Kim sent me. I found several old ones, but the golden treasure found during this hunt was this short little note that Michael left for Audrey with two professional soccer jersey's on our front steps.

What do YOU think?

2009-05-31T21:06:00.000-06:00

So, leave me a comment as to your thoughts on the following:

"LB" is a married man who lives with his children. He has had "G" as his best friend for over two and a half years. But, "G" has only met his children briefly one time.

Tumbling

2009-05-29T20:30:00.004-06:00

My cell phone is acting up. It gives me the "white screen of death" then it won't turn off. Eventually, we somehow push the buttons just right and it's off. After pushing
"END" again; it starts it's starting song and reads "SANYO", promising me that it is now ready to continue it's work. But.... then when the song is over I have half a screen or it has strange lines all through it.

Good news is.... I did eventually get it to turn back on with a working screen. So, I thought I had better write down all of the phone numbers out of it. I sure don't want to look like a stupid teenager that loses their cell phone down the port-a- potty and then later can't call anyone because they don't know any numbers.

Or a stupid 37 year old housewife/paper girl who only knows how to hit the number 2 on her keypad because I, I mean, she doesn't know what her husbands cell number is without speed dial.

I am moving along just fine coping the numbers from the contact list... my sisters, my moms, Krispy Kreme, about 10 coaches numbers, Childrens Mercy, Ben's girlfriends, $2 theater... then I come to

Michael LaBarge..............................................

I just stared at it.

I couldn't take my eyes off it.

Michael LaBarge..............................................

I tried to will myself to move on. Reality is he is dead. I mean, I am not a dummy. But........

There I sat just staring....

Michael LaBarge..............................................

It was have a full blown "Tumble" (as my aunt calls them) and cry or add his name to my list. (It would only be a small appetizer for my denial)

So, I did what any reasonable-well-adjusted-feet-on-the-ground women would do.... I added his name and number to my list.

Michael LaBarge 816-678-5456

I am happy with the idea because now I have an "in" into the great unknown... I think after the girlfriend comment I am going to need it!

Healing Angels, Tears, Hope, Antioch Road, Grief, Family, 2004, Today, OUCH!

2009-05-17T17:38:00.016-06:00

More Raw Blogging...

Who knows how my thoughts can take me from A to B. But, somehow connected thoughts took me from today at the stoplight off 1-35 onto Antioch Road to August 2004. I would like to think my thought journey was not by accident but because my brain was one step ahead... dragging me onto the right path for healing; a path I have thus far been unwilling to step foot on!

First, I was thinking about the lady that I emailed back and fourth with after Audrey was diagnosed, she was my Healing Angel. You wouldn't think that I would have been in need of such a person. If you have spent any time traveling by my side you would know that I have been blessed out of proportion; my support system is amazing!

The first day in the hospital we wheeled my half asleep very sick 10 year old, IV in tow, into a meeting room. When Lauren, the lady who was going to teach us about Audrey's new life, came in to join us, it was standing room only. She waded herself through the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to find her seat. She smiled; she was very pleased with the support. And Lauren answered every question from every player in the room.

My parents and sisters came over daily for the first several weeks after we came home. Lisa helped me make a shopping list and pick out recipes. She even went with me and helped me turn over every possible snack item in HyVee to read the carbs and find some that would fit into the "bootcamp" regiment for food we'd been assigned. Lara took every crazy call for information and support. Taught me how to draw insulin, get bubbles out of the needles, and give shots. My Mom and Dad did a lot of hugging, listening and bringing fun stuff to make it all easier. And when I wanted to get too radical and crazy with things, the closest one of them to me at the moment, would gently nudged me back into reality.

That is just to mention my family. Doesn't even touch the edge of our amazing friends.

Still I cried. I cried every night. I cried after every fight with Audrey. I remember the day that she decided that she was not going to take anymore shots. After we had words, I secretly went into the other room and gave myself a saline shot. OUCH! I went back into the room she was in and just held her. Okay, I told her, no more shots until your ready. Then I found a quiet spot and cried some more.

Everyday there were battles to face; some we won, most we lost. Everyday ended the same ... me laying in bed crying. I had fears and guilt I couldn't share with my family. Not because they didn't care or wouldn't listen but because it just wasn't in their home.

Then my friend, Deb, hooked me up with my Healing Angel. It was only through email that I ever even spoke to her. To her I bared it all. When she said she understood, I felt calmer . Her daughter had been a Type one diabetic for many years. Often she would write to me of hope and for the first time I was starting to believe it! Her daughter was not only healthy and thriving she was living Audrey's dream of playing college soccer!

Within several months I out grew the daily tears and fears and then we just stopped touching base with each other. She probably has no idea what she gave me.

My thoughts had lead me to that snidbit of time because I desperately want my Aunt to talk to Someone who has been in her "home". Someone who when they say they understand her loss, it's coming from a place of raw truth, they understand because they have walked it. Someone who when they say she will continue to hurt but move forward they know it because they too have lost their son and did move forward. I want her to let in her Healing Angel that is knocking on her "home" door.

Then my thoughts continued, taking me to a new place in my own grief. (I am at best a reluctant travel companion.)

I really have no problem story telling, looking at pictures or watching the video of Michael. I feel close to him in those minutes. Though I don't like to admit it it also allows me the fantasy that maybe he is just at work somewhere I can't get to right that minute.

But when I started thinking about how wonderful Audrey's cousins were to her back in '04, instead of thinking of a story about Michael, my body felt a familiar feeling. The one that I always got when I watched him play with or take care of my girls. The feeling of knowing that he truly loved them; would do anything for them. In those minutes I always felt so much pride for who he was and it deepened my love for him.

It was also the feeling of knowing he would always be there for them.

And that food chain of thoughts is how I ended up at the stop light off 1-35 onto Antioch with a tear in my eye... Struggling to think of how to get to this pretend place I have put him in in my head so I can hug him and tell him thanks for being so great to my girls!

Michael James LaBarge

2009-05-13T12:31:00.002-06:00

My name is Joanna. Michaels my baby cousin.

I spent my adult life with watching Michael with my hands over my eyes:

“Michael... that's probably high enough”
“Michael....maybe you shouldn't jump ... off of that”
“Michael... put your sister down”
“Ummmm.... Michael, put me down!”

I gotta be honest with you. I always felt that I was special, lucky, that we got the best of him when he was with us. The considerate, thoughtful boy who would let the kids tell him bad knock knock jokes and really laugh; that would hang out with me, this old women, and help do my dishes, or whatever I was doing.

But, then after listening to some of the stories of the life's Michael touched I realized that that was his natural gift, his ability to make everyone in that moment feel special. I think it was because he was 100 percent there and genuine in it.

When I was telling my friend about the huge void now in my life she said that she couldn't remember if she had met Michael, I just smiled,
Then you definitely didn't meet him, I told her. You don't forget meeting Michael!

You simply don't forget Michael once he walks into your life...

...let me rephrase that... once he flew into your life you couldn't help but love him. He was also very hard to say no to. He was at his best a honest to goodness charmer! And he worked it.

The boy loved his mom, dad, brother, Nathan and sister, Jenorey. Even as a busy 20 year old, he made time for them: some texts throughout the day to let them know he is thinking of them, playing football in the front yard, making sure they weren't alone on holidays, bringing them a stray animal to love and take care of; taking off work for a spontaneous Easter Dinner.

He also loved his Leo, Thunder and the baby kittens under his bed.

As a young man he loved: to learn yoyo tricks, he was a boyscout, in the science club, played soccer and football. As he grew he loved to wrestle, ride his four wheeler, camp, travel and sell silly putty. As a young man he liked to dress sharp, topped of with his signature belt buckles and his fancy watches. Lets not forget his love of money!

You could always count Michael in. You could probably see from the pictures the wide array of things he has done in his life with his family. Seriously he was our Abbot:

“Who's on first,”
“That's what I am asking you.”

He was Santa, a keystone cop, whatever you needed. He just loved to be part of it. I can't ever recall him saying no or not being fun about whatever we were doing.

And I can see from the pictures and I heard from the stories, that he was the same for his friends.

That's why for me this isn't good bye. And that is not just denial talking. I plan on carrying him with me everywhere I go. Sometimes, when I need an extra push with a risk that needs to be taken or when I go on an adventure, he will be my co-pilot.

I would like to offer up some suggestions of things that you could do when you just need to feel close to Michael. Because when all was said and done, he knew how to do even the little things that could make a person feel special.

This is just a short list of about 1 percent of the things I could think of :

* Go cheer on someone younger that's important to you at their soccer game ( or any game) and even if they lost 20 to 1, tell them your proud of them

* Call up your sister and harass her.... you don't need a reason.

* Wrestle your brother to the ground.

* Take your dad for all his money in poker

* Teach your little cousin something so ornery that their mother has to hide her smile.

* Climb to the highest part of any tree

* Sneak a coat full of candy into the movie theater

* Text, text, text, text..... for no reason and say nothing,

* Play pinochle with your aunt and uncle,

* Stop by your grandparents house and help them with something they can't do themselves

* Give someone who is sad a few minutes of laughter

* Just show up at your moms; your dads to put your arm around there should and say hey.

If you have any regrets concerning Michael and he was truly your friend, you can leave them here. Regrets just weren't his style.

If you are having trouble moving on, choose instead to live big in that moment. Though Michael was planning for his future and figuring things out, his style was to live large and in the “now”.

So in honor of your son, your brother, your grandson, your nephew, our cousin and your friend .... No matter what you called him: Michael James, Michael Renee, Mikey, Mike, “Big Money”... throw your arm around your neighbor. Find strength in the others that you knew loved him because sorrow just wasn't his style.

“There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today”

2009-05-09T06:56:00.000-06:00

It is not the critic who counts;

not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,

or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;

who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;

but who does actually strive to do the deeds;

who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions;

who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly,

so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls

who neither know victory nor defeat.

-The full speech by Teddy "Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick" Roosevelt was delivered at the "Sorbonne" in Paris France, April 23 1910.

Raw blogging

2009-04-29T07:09:00.004-06:00

Usually.. I am a blogger that works on my post for days. But, I thought today under the extreme sadness that has clouded my every thought, I'd give you a piece of my raw emotions:

Though the only people who read this blog are family and friends that already know, I will preface this with the simple fact that we buried my 20 year old cousin this past Saturday.

I am living in drama mode. His death seems unreal and would have been best left for the picture shows. All the way down to the tolling of the bells as we walked out the church behind his coffin.

Since he had grown into a young man, Michael had not been part of our everyday life anymore. So, it is easy to go into my head and believe that I will see him as soon as he blows into our drive way to tell me that that he has bought a car all on his own, to tell me that he is employee of the month.

It is not that I don't know how to move on with life. One step in front of the other. One soccer game to the other until life seems moving again. And it's not that I don't know that I have to redefine what normal is. Our new normal is life without Michael. I just don't want to.

I also don't want to deal with the feelings I am having. Sadness, guilt, what if's, confusion, sadness, guilt, what if's, confusion, topped with a bit of anger that I know I am not ready to admit to.

It is like I am living in two different zones in my head; the one that is waiting for his phone call to say he needs a ride to work and the one with the bells ringing as we stammer tear soaked out of the church.

2009-02-19T09:54:00.001-06:00

My Daughter's Best Friend is a Vampire

2009-01-29T18:11:00.008-06:00

My daughter's best friend is a vampire.
Honestly, it's simply par for the course.

After all, in her life time she has helped her father,
Johnny Gage, fight fires,
danced with other young witches and wizards
in the halls of Hogsworth,
healed Diabetic Franklin at her home office,
and managed The Simmons' Bed and Breakfast.

So, a best friend vampire...
well ... it seems a step in the right direction,
she is after all flesh and blood -
I hope!

Stella and Stanly

2009-01-12T17:46:00.002-06:00

Stella and Stanly
are unlikely companions,
but isn't that what makes it so WONDERFUL!
Meeting a horse and liking her instantly
even though she can't itch behind her ears

...like YOU can!

Travolta

2009-01-05T18:00:00.005-06:00

Whether your drive way is a landing strip for a Boeing 707-138 or a 2002 Elantra... Whether you take your prayers and sins to the cross or to the outer space (or wherever), the death of your child is insurmountable!

All day my heart is in pain as I think of the Travolta's making funeral arrangements to bury their son. Before, I would imagine how wonderful it would be to trade places with John Travolta, to be able to call up my maid to pack my bags as I decided at the last minute to fly myself to ..... Paris, Rome, Oahu. But, now I can't imagine trading places with him; me sitting across Mr. Funeral Parlor picking out a casket to lay to rest the best part of me!

WINTER DREAMS online Store Opening!

2008-12-11T22:26:00.009-06:00

ANNOUNCING THE ONLINE STORE OPENING OF

WINTER DREAMS
at
winte rdreams.etsy.com

If your goal this year for Christmas is to give beautiful fun one of a kind gifts to the people on your list that seem to have it all
or to continue your plight to reuse in an effort to lessen your landfill footprint ...
WINTER DREAMS
Handcrafts is the one stop shopping for you!

WINTER DREAMS
"ReNew Your Spirit Line "
Beautiful clothes, bags, etc out of recycled material.

WINTER DREAMS
"Handcrafted Line"
One of a kind handcrafted items:
Felted Christmas ornaments, designer knitted scarfs... Just to name a few!

Be sure to mention that you are a friend of BW&G in your order and I will hand deliver your WINTER DREAMS order to you anywhere in the KC Metro area!!!

THANKS SO MUCH for helping make WINTER DREA MS a reality!

Joanna

ETSY
Your Place to Buy and Sell All Things Homemade

winterdreams.etsy.com

A Home School Day

2008-12-05T17:55:00.006-06:00

I know the jury is still out for home schooling. I anticipate it will be until my girls solve world hunger, cure cancer, run the country or win American Idol.

But, today is one of those days that I am just not worried about the jurors.

My fourteen year old has had a busy day: talking to her girl friends, watching t.v., checking Facebook to see who her favorite guy is a fan of today. Now she is relaxing in their computer room knitting a scarf and watching a documentary on World War II.

My younger daughter's busy day included: watching Discovery Channels video on angles and CREATE t.v., playing with her cats, making lunch. Now she has scattered her paints on the table and is not just painting but experimenting with her paints; mixing them on and off the page, etc.

For whatever else comes, in this moment their time is their own. That gift to them puts a smile on my face and gives me great pride in this part of who they are.

2008-11-30T18:56:00.001-06:00

"If you can't believe,
if you can't accept anything on faith,
then you are
doomed
for a life
dominated by doubt."
- Kris Kringle

2008-11-12T20:24:00.002-06:00

I often find myself looking out windows.

It seems such a bizarre habit. It's as if I have been sleep walking only to awake and find myself looking out one of our windows. Staring. Staring off into the same scenery I have seen day in and day out.

Is it a place for no thought; a minute to get lost in? I really don't know.

I do this most while I am standing in the bath tub waiting for the water to fill. I stare out the window above the tub into our back yard. It is a disastrous sight; overgrown weeds, broken toys, a pool we never figured out how to get to fill up correctly.

Still I stand there ... staring.

Another strange habit I have is watching my daughter's turtle, Jen.

I seem to be drawn into Jen's apparent quest for freedom. She swims at full speed to ram her head into the glass boundary...over and over and over; day after day after day.

Each time she makes her swim back from the glass, unsuccessful, I wonder what she is thinking...

"Just one more hard hit and I am out of here."

But even more then that I admire her, where does she find the courage inside herself to keep her plight going, to head back towards her window time after time after time.

Or ...

is it simply a habit and she too has no idea what the hell she is doing much less why.

I am thankful that at least for the moment I have one up on the turtle -
I am not ramming my head at my bathroom window, at least not at full speed!

2008-11-11T07:24:00.004-06:00

Love's Quandary:

To miss someone you feel lonely with!

Don't Invite a Snail to your Pity Party.

2008-11-01T13:46:00.006-06:00

I heard a tiny slurping
coming from the grass.
It was a snail drinking from
the self pity I was dripping.

I leaned down and looked him
square in the antennas to ask,
"You mean I am not the only thing
going on right this very minute?"

With a sigh and a splash
Snail started to leave, but
not before mumbling,
"Why does this always happen to me!"

3 Teen Girls!

2008-10-25T23:29:00.010-06:00

1 white beaded necklace draped as a sash
2 headphones for 1 MP3 player
3 TEEN GIRLS!
4 cell phones
5 fingers texting while she talks with her beau on a different phone
6 messages taken for their friend playing on the soccer field
7 hoop earrings
15 bracelets
1,000 laughs

Need a Laugh?

2008-10-03T10:13:00.002-06:00

Need a Laugh?
Click on this link and watch this short self filmed video by Sammi when her singing practice ends abruptly!!

Life With Sammi ... "Death Cab Sirens"

Served a Wake Up Call!

2008-10-03T09:12:00.006-06:00

I was a having one of those moments that he, the husband, calls PMS. I call it over emotional about unresolved issues. Regardless, I was upset with him this morning. Outside of that I was trying to talk with him about plans for the weekend.

Let's just say we were having a strained conversation at best.

We talked about the soccer tournament. My plans for the day. (The same ones I have had every Friday for over FOUR YEARS!) Then I wanted to talk about Alice's visitation/funeral.

His Great Aunt Alice passed away earlier this week and the visitation is this evening. I just assumed we were going. He said that he didn't think he would go to the visitation but would go to the funeral in the morning. My mention that I (and, of course, our girls) would just go without him this evening was ambushed by these four words:

"It's not your family."

OUCH!

And I was served:

" Lady,

Your on the wrong tracks ... move aside and let me pass!

Thanks,
Your loving Husband of 17 years"

I keep avoiding the issue that he seems to be needing things of his own: friends, activities, and now his family. Like all things you choose not to deal with, eventually your served a hit on the side of your head causing a loud buzzing...

A.K.A.
your wake up call!

Trust Not This Ryan Rezzelle

2008-09-07T13:29:00.000-06:00

The tall man came to

Kansas City masquerading

as friend to all
this Ryan Rezzelle

At first he was a
Kiss-the-baby
Shake-the-hand type man
this Ryan Rezzelle

He brought humor to his work place:
practical jokes, tossing co-workers.
Jovial was he
this Ryan Rezzelle

He swept his guise to
co-workers families.
Flimflammed were we ALL by
this Ryan Rezzelle

Stars aligned to bring the love
of a beautiful maiden;
a night of I-dos and dancing for
this Ryan Rezzelle

The newly weds adopted in
strays, four legged fun
and ball catching for
this Ryan Rezzelle

Thereafter, darkness set in; opportunity
fed his hunger for power.
Ugly OOZED from
this Ryan Rezzelle

Once baby kisser, now Supreme Judge.
Peers feverishly turned
to stepping stones by him for him
this Ryan Rezzelle

Under the cloak of friendship
water cooler gossip
went straight from the ears to the lips of
this Ryan Rezzelle

For his lips were attached to the ass
of the Dreaded Director of Evil,
This was a golden pass to the top for
this Ryan Rezzelle

The Dreaded Director of Evil, boss to all,
spun this gossip into F4 proportions.
A path of destruction followed Evil and
this Ryan Rezzelle

The aftermath of his fast whirlwind ride to the top:
a pile of old friends and families, his dignity.
Less not forget - a take home car for
this Ryan Rezzelle

CONGRATULATIONS on Your SUCCESS
Mr. Ryan REZZELLE!

*********************

Disclaimer:
These words and opinions are mine. I am not speaking for or influenced by anyone else.
As is obvious, this is a work in creative writing and should be taken as such.
As also is obvious, Ryan Rezzelle is a real person who, in my opinion,
turned out not to be the man my children and I thought he
was when we invited him in our circle and when we took care of his dogs and home.
I wish Ryan Rezzelle had followed the golden rule,
"Do not do onto others that which you would not have them do onto you!"
But, I guess when your chasing a take home car and POWER all rules
(including the ones your mama taught you)
are off!

Trust Not This Ryan Rezzelle - Update

2008-08-21T12:52:00.002-06:00

September 5th is now the release date for Trust Not This Ryan Rezzelle. As excited as I am, I am a bit nervous that my blog poem, ...Ryan Rezzelle will be worth the excitement and anticipation! But, such as it is September 5th will tell the tale.

Thanks for your patience and anticipation :)

Trust Not This Ryan Rezzelle

2008-07-23T13:40:00.001-06:00

This blog entry is currently under censorship.
Please check back in a few weeks.

Smiles and Hugs for Dad!

2008-06-15T11:26:00.007-06:00

Sitting here on Fathers Eve watching all these young daddies give their all to win stuffed animals and toys for their kiddies, opens the memory gates to my own dad.

Sure back then the person sitting where I am would be waiting for their kids to exit the Scream Roller, the very first ride to take you upside down at Worlds of Fun, and the prizes have grown in proportion to the cost of playing the game. Otherwise, the scene here looks just about the same as some thirty years ago:

"Try one more time daddy!" ... " I want that one." ... "Please please let me try!"

Moms pushing strollers full of stuffed animals, balls and half asleep little ones.

The game I most recall my Dad playing along here was the one where you break the balloons with darts. Without too much call for exaggeration, I believe he always won. We spent the whole time trading up our prizes.

However, if I was to guess what my dads all time favorite ticket game was I'd say skee ball. At the 10 cent skee ball stand in Lake of the Ozarks he warranted his own ticket agent. They'd lock the door behind us posting a "SORRY out of PRIZES!" sign.

He still owns the skee ball machines at Showbiz (Chucky Cheese... if you must) As Grandpa, he continues his job to stuff little people's pockets with enough tickets that they walk away with something besides a pencil eraser for their treasures.

And what do all these dads and granddads walk away with that makes it all worth it?

SMILES & HUGS, Baby ...

SMILES and HUGS!

2008-04-24T08:40:00.005-06:00

Always the Bridesmaid; Never the Bride.

Always the Dreamer; Never the _____________.

I just can't find a word I like to go in that blank.
Any suggestions?

Superdelegate Math

2008-02-13T21:21:00.015-06:00

The North Kansas City School District either didn't feel it was important to teach us the system in which we elect our President or ... this is the one I am leaning towards... they simply couldn't figure it out. Whichever the case may be, I must admit to you that every four years I think I have the voting system all figured out and then ... CURVE BALL... what, another crazy twist that takes us even further from the idealistic unrealistic

"EVERY VOTE COUNTS"!

This years curve - Superdelegates!

Superdelegates as in:
Hillary Clinton
Bill Clinton
Barack Obama
and Missouri's very own Mark Bryant.

Just a few people running for president, their spouse, friends and ... Mark Who?

So, in honor of my new SUPER knowledge
here is some SUPERDELEGATE Math:

First PROBLEM:
In Missouri
405,284 people went to the polls and voted for Obama giving him 36 delegates
minus
395,287 people went to the polls and voted for Hillary giving her 36 delegates
=
9,997 people who could have stayed warm in bed; their vote didn't count toward a delegate.

Second PROBLEM:
795 SUPERDELEGATES
divided by
795 votes cast by Superdelgetes
=
1 vote per each SUPERDELEGATE!!!

Third PROBLEM:
800,571 Missourians who voted a Democratic ticket on Feb 5th, 2008
minus the
9,997 Missourians whose vote didn't count toward a delegate
divided by the
72 allotted Democratic delegates for Missouri
=
.0000936 vote per Missouri Democratic Voter.

A Word PROBLEM:
Q. If 857,208 Floridians go to the polls and vote for Hillary, 569,041 vote for Obama, 248,604 vote for Edwards and 9,537 vote for Kucinich how many Floridians voted a Democratic ticket?

A. 1,684,390 Florida Democratic Citizens voted on January 29, 2008

Extra Credit:
1,684,390 Democratic Florida Voters
divided by
0 Delegates *
=
0 vote per Florida Democratic Voter.

Let me repeat that for the students sitting in the back of the class:
One Million, Six hundred and Eighty Four Thousand, Three hundred and Ninety United States Citizens living in Florida voted on January 29, 2008 and their vote earned exactly ZERO DELEGATES!

Their vote literally doesn't count!

Recap of todays lesson:

Each Democratic Superdelegate vote counts as 1 vote.
Each Democratic Missourian vote counted as .0000936 of a vote.
Each Democratic Floridian vote counted as ZERO, Zip, Nada.

Summarization:

ALL VOTERS ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL!!!!!!

* The DNC gave Florida the toughest punishment in their power due to Florida holding it's primary on January 29th which is a violation of the DNC rules that no primary can be held before February 5th. Michigan was also stripped of it's delegates for the same violation.

Take 10 for Peace

2008-02-09T09:12:00.000-06:00

Your invited to a Peace Rally on February 12th at Sundown - 5:20pm!

I believe in nonviolence. I'm for spreading peace from the peaks of the mountains, to the edges of each continent and into the valleys of hate and sorrow.

However, this Peace Rally is for OURSELVES to foster our inner peace and strength!

Peace from all the worrying, hopelessness, fear and constant battling within ourselves....

Joanna:
I thought you were stronger then this.

Joanna's Self:
Me too.

Joanna:
Do something about it.

Joanna's Self:
Okay. Hummm...
(Dramatic Pause)
How about some chocolate?

Joanna:
NO... fool... not chocolate!

Joanna's Self
(snap)
I've got it. You want Krispy Kreme!

So, on the day that I honor my mom and dad for bringing me into this world (the same way I still spend most my days; the same way I will probably go out... kicking and screaming) I invite YOU, my family and friends and any of your family and friends... EVERYONE but naysayers, to rally together for 10 minutes of solidarity to share in our collective strength via meditation, prayer, silence... it's all good and welcome!

We will met at 5:20 at EH Young Riverfront Park, in Riverside along the path closest to the river by the flags.

We can share strength over the miles, so if your in Springfield, Rolla or any other far away land, take 10 at the same time and join us!